Respect Versus Ridicule – Giving Feedback That Builds Up Rather Than Tears Down People

By: Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach

Your intention is to motivate a child or employee to do better. You are clear in your mind what you want to achieve and the behavior that you want changed. You expect to be listened to and obeyed! You are right and they are wrong. Someday, they will be grateful that you cared enough to show them what they were doing incorrectly. The only “right way” is “my way.” 

Sound familiar? When a situation calls for feedback, we tend to justify our position and come at the situation from a power standpoint. This tends to put the other person in a defensive status and what may have started out as a visit turns into a confrontation, with words and emotions expressed that are not helpful. 

 Criticism is Hurtful 

 Ridiculing someone is to mock by making fun or dismissing them in a contemptuous way. Sometimes the ridicule may be verbal as in a criticism; “You just can’t get this through your thick head, can you?” The disrespect may be done in a completely non-verbal but powerful way; rolling your eyes, crossing your arms and leaning back, smirking or looking away when the other person is talking. 

 Feedback is Helpful 

 Feedback is intended to provide helpful information for future decisions and development. If you feel that you need to offer pointers on how something should be done, first ask if they would like feedback. If it is offered without judgment or personal attacks, most people will welcome, or at least receive it. 

 Using the old sales jargon, you can sell any idea without making the recipient feel badly. “I know you feel that it was a hard assignment. I have felt that way when I was asked to do something for the first time and I didn’t understand the instructions. However, I found that when I went back and read the instructions or ask for an explanation, it was much easier and I was able to understand what the boss wanted and was able to do it. 

What’s Right, Not What’s Wrong 

 If you want positive behavior with your family, co workers and friends, encourage what is good and downplay what is wrong or unacceptable. When you focus on something, right or wrong, you will get more of it. It is called the Law of Attraction. 

 Verbal vs Non-Verbal Language  

 Verbal or spoken language is the communication of information. Most people only remember about 20% of what is said. Non verbal or body language is the communication of relationships. People look at your facial expressions to see how you really feel about what you are saying and the person you are saying it to. They listen to your tone of voice to gauge how sincere you are. 

If others perceive that you are standing in judgment of them, they will be much less likely to be co-operative and be open to suggestions. When you feel that you must offer feedback, touch them lightly on the back or arm to get their attention, look them in the eye and then ask for permission to share your ideas. 

 Mutual respect is foundation of strong, healthy relationships 

 As you work with your relationships, you will see that criticism and ridicule does not give you the positive results you were hoping for. Respect, encouragment and kind feedback is much more effective at motivating people and projects than criticism and ridicule. 

Never Just One Way To Do Things
Before you jump in with an opinion, perhaps it is best to remember there is never just one way to do anything. Every problem or situation has at least five different ways to get it done. Are you absolutely sure that your way is best? 

 About the Author (c) Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You. 

Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813. 

You are also invited to visit our blog at http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com for answers and suggestions which will enhance your relationships. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you. 

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults. 

(ArticlesBase SC #750025) 

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – Respect Versus Ridicule – Giving Feedback That Builds Up Rather Than Tears Down People 

Faith Vs. Vision

By: Michael Skye

Some people operate from faith, some from vision. Both are invaluable for tomorrow’s leaders and creators. Learn the distinction between faith and vision, and how you can leverage each.

Craig was a visionary entrepreneur with such a grand vision that people around him typically deferred to him. He seemed to be able to see so clearly what many people could not. And, indeed, he did see what they could not.

To those who could not see what he saw, he appeared daring and bold, often venturing into new and seemingly dangerous territory without hesitation. Some people attributed it to faith, assuming he must have greater faith that they had. Those who joined him on projects usually followed his lead, and often without question. When frightened, they simply hoped things would work out and often admonished each other to “have faith.”

Craig couldn’t understand why they couldn’t see what he could see, even when he tried to show them. Soon, he found himself telling people who couldn’t see what he saw to just have faith in him.

His visionary projects grew in size, and without vision, many people working with him often lost sight of the vision. They’d experience setbacks and failure and start to lose confidence. This increased tensions between Craig and many of the people he counted on. Soon, he began asserting more of an authoritarian demeanor, using fear to motivate people when they lacked confidence in him.

Over the months and years, Craig learned to cut people off, at the first sign that they did not trust him. His story became one of him against the world. He grew increasingly bitter, tired, frustrated and angry. As he formed more conclusions about people and the world, his vision grew less and less powerful. He could not see himself working powerfully with teams of people or accomplishing anything great that required a team effort.

Once a great young visionary, Craig devolved into more and more of a hardened positionary. After many lonely years, Craig found religion, and did his best to surrender his position and just trust in God. He became a man of faith. Using this strategy, he once again became a man who people trusted, a leader people were inspired to follow.

KEY POINTS:

1 – Many people collapse vision with faith. When people see vision and thus feel confident, they often say they have faith. However, there is a distinction between having confidence in the face of the unknown with vision and choosing to have confidence in the face of the unknown without vision.

2 – Both vision and faith are powerful and useful. Whereas many people without vision can only resort to faith when confronted with the unknown, a skilled visionary can intentionally manifest a powerful vision. The man in the example did not have this skill.

3 – Vision can be a force multiplier for anyone’s faith. As a leader it is advantageous to be able to share your vision with others in a way that has them see it, so you need not rely on asking people to blindly trust you or have faith.

VISIONARY ADVANTAGE:

A skilled visionary heads boldly into the unknown and can easily inspire others to join him. Such a person can, even after failing time after time, inspire others to keep going forward. His vision and theirs only grows stronger over time.

VISIONARY DYNAMIC:

The more you operate at the level of vision, the greater your faith becomes AND the less you need to rely on “having faith.”

VISIONARY CHALLANGE:

Look to areas of your life where you have come to think you just need more faith in yourselves, others, humanity, etc. Consider that if you had a powerful vision in these areas, it would only multiply your confidence and your faith. Then do the work it takes to build that vision. (You’re not taught very powerful methods for doing this at home, at school, at church or even through most self-development programs. Such methods are, however, taught inside Vision Force programs such as our boot camp). 

About the Author

Michael Skye, founder and CEO of VisionForce.com, works with a new breed of impassioned change agents around the world, who are giving their lives to stand for all of humanity. The Visionary Mind Shifts are available free at http://www.VisionForce.com/course.

(ArticlesBase SC #118069)

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – Faith Vs. Vision

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